2014 was a eventful and good year.... It didn't end the way I expected it to but that's ok. One thing I have come to believe in is, everything happens for a reason. You may not always know the why right away but at some point in time the light bulb goes on and you have that ah ha moment and it clicks. Life is messy and it's hard....most people who know me know I haven't had the best of luck when it comes to love and relationships but I have always refused to give up on love and finding that one person eventually. So many people have asked me why I keep looking and am not afraid of love? Oh I'm terrified of love but I won't give up on it. Giving up is the easy way but it doesn't always leave you happy in the end.
I had an amazing man in my life for the past 9 months. I was stand offish when we first met....he was cute, funny, instantly made me feel comfortable and all that scared me but once I finally started to let my guard down with him, I found happiness I had never felt before, happiness I didn't think I would ever find. His family welcomed me and I fell in love with his amazing kids. Loving him was easy and felt right but for whatever reason the relationship ended recently. I have randomly cried in the middle of the day and cried myself to sleep more times then I'd like to admit since its ended. He was and still is an amazing man and I have always wanted nothing but for him to be happy. He so deserves to be loved and be happy. But because of that love I felt for him and felt in our relationship I am not running out to date or meet someone new again anytime soon. My heart can't take the roller coaster that entails.... I get up in the morning and make it through the day right now.
I am trying to put my life in perspective a little....figure out places of improvement in myself and be there for my kids. I hope he will think of me from time to time and maybe our paths will cross again if that is what is meant to be. I won't give up on love....I love and give 110% of me, I won't change that because someday maybe someone will want to give that much back to me.
